Showing posts with label faith. Show all posts
Showing posts with label faith. Show all posts

Sunday, July 18, 2010

Walk Tall Despite it All

It was a Friday and I was fit to be tired. I got home from a day at work and my mother is going on and on about a vegetable lasagna recipe that she printed out online. She was so excited for me to help her cook it. Pump your brakes, Ma. HELP you cook it. Give me that recipe. Let me see if my help was one of the ingredients. She didn’t understand that lasagna’s preparation was more of a challenge than actually cooking it.


I asked her what size lasagna she was making and she said “a small one” and then proceeded to pull out a pan that could hold a 10 pound child. Looking from the pan to the ingredients that she had purchased, she didn’t have the right quantities of anything. One (small) can of crushed tomatoes, one (itty bitty) can of diced tomatoes, one container of ricotta cheese. Now I know that Jesus fed the multitudes with 4 goldfish and a loaf of Wonder bread but Mom was just being a bit too ambitious with these skant ingredients. So I volunteered to go to the supermarket to get additional items that were needed. That made her happy.


I quickly got everything at the supermarket and checked out. I’m taking supermodel strides trying to get out of the grocery store. It’s hot and the market is filling up with the after work crowd. A kid stops me in my supermodel tracks and asks me if I could spare some seventy five cents. In a milli-second, I’m thinking what the heck can seventy five cents buy nowadays? So me being me, I ask him. He says, “ma’am, I’m just trying to get something to eat.” What the hell is he going to eat that costs seventy five cents? Blow pops? The red Swedish Fish candies? I’m sorry. I’m getting ahead of myself. Those are things that I would buy if I had seventy five cents. Silly me.


He had a plastic bag tied tightly but I could see about three pop cans (soda cans for you Southerners ;) inside of it. “Meet me at Subway,” I told him. “Subway?” he repeated. “Yes, do you know where that is?” He pointed across the parking lot and I nodded. He headed in the restaurant’s direction. I headed to my car. Even though the walk to the Subway had a covered walkway, I had to drive the 6 seconds that it took to get there. It was hot outside and besides I didn’t want my mom’s lasagna ingredients to melt. I mean who wants melted mozzarella cheese?


When I park my car and meet him inside, I visually access him. We were third in line and so I had time. He had on shorts to his knees and an olive colored t-shirt and gym shoes that were tattered and worn. He had a couple scratches lighter than his complexion above his right eyebrow. One of his top front teeth appeared not to have grown in all the way. I wanted to know more about why he was panhandling for seventy five cents and so I asked where his parents were. “My daddy in the grave. My mama strung out. I live with my uncle.” He had just finished up his 10th grade year at a local high school and “finished with a 2.5. I think that’s pretty good.” I agreed with him. I played up that 2.5 grade point average like he told me he had a 4.5 g.p.a. Hell, some kids with stable households bring home 1.7’s so his 2.5 was gold to me.


He was so excited because after next school year, he was going to enroll in Job Corps. He kept mentioning “free”. “I’m going to have free food, a free place to live, free education…” His excitement overflowed so much that the lady in front of him turned around and smiled. Not to be Debbie Downer but I cautioned him that everything that is free may not necessarily be good for him. Just a lesson as he goes about his life. He went on to say that his trustee takes all of his money and doesn’t give him any. He said the trustee was someone other than his uncle. I asked him why he doesn’t get a job for the summer. He has a job interview this weekend at Wildwood Flower Shop. He was so happy.

He got a number 7 footlong. Bacon and all those extra meats. He got a bag of chips and a fruit punch with no ice. The total was $6.36. He said, “see there. That’s why I don’t come here that often. It’s too expensive.” He told me thank you. I wished him many successes and to always be encouraged. I also reminded him that when he gets into a position to help somebody, help somebody. We walked outside Subway, me first and him behind me. Then the oddest thing happened. I started towards my car and when I looked back over my shoulder he was gone. I looked over my other shoulder but still didn’t see him. Now that I think about it, I’m glad I didn’t see him. I would have tried to get his contact information so I could go after this trustee who is taking all of his money. I can hear my aunt Deb now. “Sherri, you can’t help everybody.” I know, I know. And I’m going to kill myself trying. Help me, Jesus.


Over the next couple of days, I began to think more about those 20 minutes worth of events and I got angry. Not even two weeks ago, Lebron James had an hour long press conference just to announce that he was leaving the Cleveland Cavaliers to make goo-goobs of money in Miami. An hour long press conference. Boy. Boy. Boy. Once again the powers that be are entertaining our asses to death once again. How about the powers that be give the Subway kid an hour long press conference addressing everything he has been through. I’m sure his story can help some other kid in his situation and spur some kind of effort to make sure that what is happening to him doesn’t happen to anyone else. No, we can’t stop his parent from dying or maybe not even his mom from being strung out but we can definitely do something about the aftermath. We can do something about him being taking advantage of by his trustee. We can do something about him not having the basic necessities such as soap. I draw this conclusion from his nails appearing that he had been potting plants all day. Something can be done about him thinking that Subway is “too expensive”. A $6 sandwich meal?!?! If someone takes him to the Olive Garden, he might fall out. Call the ‘medics.


It just gets me all worked up because the United States of America is supposed to be wealthiest nation but we have our 10th graders walking around here elated about going to Job Corps so they can get some relief from the hell that is home because the court system has obviously failed them. Now when they hear the words “free meals”, “free housing”, it gets them excited leading me to believe this Subway kid never had a childhood. He’s been too busy trying to figure out where his next meal was going to come from.


In an attempt to look at the bright side of things, I also observed that he had the sweetest demeanor. He was very kind and forthcoming. During our conversation he pointed out that “people always think that I’m trying to get money to buy drugs but ma’am, I’m just trying to eat.” Wow. I appreciated that he still had his child-look zeal for life. He was so excited about the prospect of his pending job interview and his Job Corps initiation. He spoke about the upcoming events with so much enthusiasm and it made me so happy that he was about to get some sunshine in his life.


I just felt the need to share this story because I still come across so many ungrateful people and I can’t handle it. Somebody somewhere will love to have your worst day and you are still complaining. I also felt the need to share because I’m just afraid that too many folks are getting caught up in the entertainment aspect of life. That’s what the enemy specializes in. He will attempt to take your mind of what is important and try to focus it on multi million dollar athlete’s press conferences while the city, the school systems or even your household become undone. Don’t be entertained. Be empowered.


A favorite of mine, Lamar, shared this video with me. It’s a segment from Oprah’s Legends Ball and it features the great Bishop Walter Hawkins singers (Hawkins recently was welcomed into heaven) , Yolanda Adams, Patti LaBelle and BeBe Winans among others. Valerie Simpson of Ashford and Simpson fame took to the mic and sang “we gone walk taller, we gone think higher, we gone be better.” Yes, I am. What about you?

Monday, June 28, 2010

It's Not Where You're From

April 28th was the last day that I posted an entry. Usually, I would apologize for staying away so long but no, not this time. I was away with good reason. I had to have time to grow.

May was not only when I had my growth spurt but it was also Lupus Awareness Month. It seemed that each day in May I was involved in some type of awareness activity. No matter how hectic my days got, and they did get hectic, I gave thanks because I remembered the fix that I was in two years prior. It’s amazing how far just a little faith can take you. This was on my mind as a PBS producer was affixing a microphone to my blouse to film me and my loved ones for a segment about lupus. I had come a long way since chemo treatments and kidney biopsies.

As the days turned into weeks, I started to feel the pangs of guilt and to be totally honest, I still struggle with bouts of guilt today. I don’t expect anyone to understand but I feel guilty because I made it. I feel guilty that I am alive to tell my story when so many people my age and younger have went on to glory. I mean guilt like tears streaming down my face guilt…simply about being alive.

It boggles my mind because according to societal norms, I’m not supposed to do well, motivate, encourage or aspire to inspire. For one, take the situation I was born into. I was born into a single parent household where me, my mom and two aunts lived in a flat with two bed rooms and one bathroom. We lived in what was considered the “hood”, Linwood and Davison. My BFF’s favorite story is the first time that she spent the night at my house, there were gunshots. She was frightened but I told her to “get her butt on the floor:” We were about seven years old. There were gunshots every so often but once the smoke cleared their was also a sense of community. Even though I played with the crackheads’ kids and my mom’s and aunts cars were being stolen everytime we looked up, I still felt safe.

Secondly, in an effort to share with me some history with me, my mom told me that people from the South were thought to be stupid and dumb when compared to their Northern counterparts. As a sensitive child, I remember this revelation making me sad. My mother is from Selma, Alabama and I didn’t want anyone perceiving her to be a dummy just because she was born below the Mason-Dixon line.

So having a country single parent in the one of the city’s roughest areas with gunshots going off like fireworks was supposed to limit me. Who knew?
It’s a funny thing because when you prop the door open to negative thinking, the adversary shows up wanting to kick that joker open. Couple those things with within the past year, knowing of 5 young ladies that have passed away from lupus complications and numerous more that have been hospitalized, I had a lot on my mind. All of the young ladies that passed were college age, about 22 years old with the youngest being 19 years old. All of them came from two parent homes. I’m sure their parents loved them no less than my mom loves me. I’m sure their parents supported them no less than my mother supported me. All of the ladies were born into marriages and not out of wedlock like me. All of the ladies had their own bedrooms whereas I was my mom’s roommate until I was damn near 13 years old. Not by choice but because economically that’s just the way it was. All of the ladies came from areas where there weren’t liquor stores on every corner. Where I come from there was Liquor Town on one corner and Chesterfield Liquor Store on the other. I’m sure the five girls didn’t pass prostitutes on their way to school but I did and I knew each one of their names. My mom’s from the country, remember? She told me to always be polite and speak to people.

So I wandered through May appearing in one commercial shown in Michigan and Indiana, one radio broadcast, two television shows, having two newspaper articles published and being a panelist at a Women’s Empowerment Conference. Due to all of the great press, we had an onslaught of calls from people throughout the state who either had lupus, had a loved one with lupus or lost a loved one to lupus. Yet, with all of this good fortune being shown towards the Lupus Alliance, my heart still ached for those 5 young ladies. They say good friends never let you forget your dreams and Cherish reminded me that once I said that I wanted to be a voice for lupus patients. I guess this was one of those “be careful what you wish for” situations.

Now that I think about it, maybe that is why I haven’t blogged in awhile. My caring and pensive nature had my lupus emotions scattered. I couldn’t write because guilt had it’s foot on my neck. Why was I selected for this? Quite frankly, why wasn’t I dead? The grim reaper had quite a few chances.

To combat my feelings of guilt, I had to reach back into my repertoire of bible teachings. I had to revisit the lesson that says God doesn’t look at things that man looks at such as where you’re from, how you look or the situation that you were born into. God can use anybody but you just have to have the desire to be used by Him. Don’t worry about not being qualified because He has a way of qualifying you. Don’t feel guilty about being used. Feel guilty when you aren’t being used.

My mama always said that it takes the foolish things to shame the wise. As usual, she is right. It’s foolish to assume that someone’s life will be stifled just because they come from a particular background or situation. I’ve learned that when someone comes from something “undesirable”, it’s just building character. It’s been said many times that I don’t meet strangers. I can sit with anyone and hold a conversation. Could that be because I didn’t speak to homeless folks with disdain? Or maybe because I spoke to the ladies of the night like they were misguided princesses and not whores. It’s important to treat everyone like the CEO even the janitor.

Don’t ever let society dictate your place in life. Regardless of what you’ve been through and will go through, it is just preparation for your destiny. God is one that sits high but looks low…even on little girls in the ghetto.

This is the segment from the PBS show "A Wider World". If the video is having problems loading, under it where it says 360, click on it and change the number to 480. Please tell a person or two about lupus. To learn more, visit http://www.milupus.org/.

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

He Has Smiled On Me

 am more tired than a one-legged man in a cock fighting contest. Now that’s tired. That’s also an improvement. There was a time when I wouldn’t admit that I was tired. That’s probably because I never took time to access myself to truly determine how I was feeling. Now I perform self-assessments often. I have to. My life depends on it. There’s nothing like a lupus flare to get you on the good foot, I tell ya. Rest will have to wait though because May is Lupus Awareness Month and lupus events are in overdrive. I guess it is true. Whatever doesn’t kill you make you stronger. With all May’s activities, I had better have Popeye-eating-bags-of-spinach strength.

Speaking of strength, I get tickled so easily thinking back to a year ago when I was feeble and weak. So weak that my little cousin would have to pick me up and take me to the little girl’s room. Now, I’m strong enough to make it to the restroom by myself and evidently, strong enough that God has entrusted me with a powerful work.

Lupus is a disease that is more prevalent that multiple sclerosis, cystic fibrosis, sickle cell anemia and cerebral palsy combined. COMBINED yet it is the least known of all of the diseases. Nine out of 10 people who have lupus are women. Furthermore, African American women are three times as likely as white women to get lupus and tend to develop lupus at a younger age and have more complications. When I read those statistics it truly humbles me to think that I was spoke out to do something about this disease. Me, who every third or so word out of my mouth is probably a curse word. Me, who if it were left up to me, would laugh and giggle all day. Me who, contrary to popular belief, likes being in the background. Remember my life’s goal was always to be a published author (anonymity) and live quietly and in peace with my wealth and a Dairy Queen. That’s all. I don’t ask for much.

Clearly, my man-made plan wasn’t productive enough for God. Now He has positioned me to be the so-called Face of Lupus for the Lupus Alliance of America. It is my big head that’s the dominant photo on the website. www.milupus.org. Last week, I hosted a televised show introducing the Lupus Alliance of America to everyone that watched. As I drove to the taping of the show, I prayed that if just one person watched and got the help that they needed, we had done our job. Lo and behold, we had quite a few callers who said they were so glad to see someone doing a television show about lupus. Callers were so interested further clarifying there is a need for lupus education and awareness.

Upon the show’s completion, I called my mother from the studio. Just hearing the joy and glee in her voice somehow made being sick as a dog all last year made it all worth it (in some deranged sort of way). She said she saw her deceased mother and sister all through me. I asked her if I looked dead. She said no and that I just looked like them on television. She added that she was proud of me for doing a great job. I’m a thug but that made me tear up. I had to turn my back and collect myself. Just a little background about my mother is that she isn’t the most emotional person. She is as sweet as pie but “I love you. You love me” my mama is not. The last time she was this happy was when I got a scholarship to college. Even at college graduation, I think she was like “Thank you Jesus, I kept her off the pole (stripping), she isn’t strung out on drugs and she doesn’t have 5 kids by seven different babies daddies. Glory to your name, Lord!” She probably thought her work was done and she could die at that moment. But anyhoo, that day in the studio she was so proud that it even shook my composed self. I took her a copy of the show and she went in my bedroom and watched it again, like it was her first time watching it.

his Sunday, I will be a guest on the ‘Girl, Bye’ show at 7pm on WJLB, FM 98. Since May is Lupus Awareness month, they were gracious enough to include a lupus segment in a health related show they are planning. The following week, I will tape a segment for the Street Beats show to be televised at a later date. The following Saturday, I am a panelist for the SHE’s (Sisters Helping Encourage Sisters) Empowered Butterfly Bash. Someone actually wants me sit down and encourage other people. Who would’ve thought that one? I’m on the panel with local radio personalities and women are who are really doing it big. Like Pastor Lewis said, “it’s better to be called upon versus someone telling you sit your so-and-so down.” Okay, I threw in the so-and-so but you get the gist of what I’m saying.

During the week of May 23rd until the 29th, some PBS stations but not all of them because as I understand it, local PBS stations select shows at their discretion, will air A Wider World, A Show about Abilities and guess who will be profiled in a segment? That’s right, the one who just thought she was going to write books and live happily ever after with the Dairy Queen as her neighbor. The show will air in my hometown on Channel 56 at 5:30pm. It will be uploaded to their youtube website once the show has aired. My mom, cousin, God-sister, God-mother and best friend were interviewed. I wonder what dead family members my mom will unearth to say that I look like on-camera. “You look like your great, great, great aunt who worked on a plantation.”

Also, the Lupus Alliance of America has a commercial!! Yay! We were able to get it underwritten by the good folks at Sinai-Grace Hospital and the Wholesome Smiles and the Traveling Tooth Station Mobile units. I can’t figure out exactly how to post the link but here http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=38AszOr7R_A Just cut and paste this link and viola. That’s me in my spring color, mellow yellow.

I’ve been humming this song for the past couple of days. Look beyond the writing across the video and listen to homegirl’s rendition of “God Has Smiled on Me.” Ya’ll we are so blessed and fortunate. Please take nothing in this lifetime for granted. Until next time…and in the meantime, please, pray my strength. The kid is a little tired!